This post could have a subtitle, “How to be the Best of the Worst.” The idea comes from the misfortunates that have put their abilities to work, to reach the bottom, which may happen not to exist for some. Some are working toward the Abyss, the bottomless pit. I can give you some pointers, (don’t call it advice because you don’t take that), to reaching your aim. If you do not have addictions, but perhaps a relative, or a friend does, please read on. You need to know that those striving to achieve total underachievement, use tactics that you may be a part of. Your ceasing to help them may ruin their reaching bottom.
To be a successful alcoholic or drug addict, you may ask how do I “make it?” The ideal achievement is when you finally get under the roof of your new home, a shipping box, or a bridge for those fortunate to live near a river. Just knowing that you have burned every possible relational bridge, and lost everything, have fines out the ying-yang, penniless, and not even wanted by the penal system, you know, basically unnecessary, has it’s rewards. You can say with your shoulders slumped, “I am a self-made individual.” Waking up knowing you must have that drink or drug, with no way of that happening, being broke, you think about who you can victimize. But you have to be careful, you’re so frail from working toward your goal, you may be harmed. Remember trying to rob the little old lady, and she hospitalized you with her purse? Bad memory.
So without further adieu, here’s the pointers:
1. Do not listen to friends and family. Act like you hear what they say, but while you shake your head in total agreement, have ACDC’s “Highway to Hell,” playing in your mind. These people are trying to keep you from you goal.
2. Try to stay in control of everything and everyone. Manipulate all who are willing, especially the spouse and kids, play them first. When they are finished with your lies and abuse…there’s always good old mom and dad. Always say your done with drinking and doping BEFORE you ask for money for food. If mom offers food instead of cash, tell her you have to have special food from the clinic. If she insists, let her go to the kitchen and cook while you go through her purse and personal items.
3.Remember AA and NA are for losers.
4. Take pride in what you don’t have, and what you have lost. Reminisce with the others under the bridge, and be sure to add you were right, others were wrong about everything.
5. When you want out of the house, always start a fight with the spouse, get angry over nothing, break things and seem violent. They’ll want you gone and that works great. Use this often. You may try the “addicted approach,” nobody understands. The loved one may even go out and cop for you.
6. No matter what, DO NOT ask God for help. Seriously, you can’t get to your goal if divinity interferes. Besides, look at all the suffering He let you go through, aw well, he don’t exist anyway, look at all of the hungry kids.
7. Finally, be sure to criticize everyone, never help a neighbor. Remember you know everything.
These tips will get you to the bottom. You can be the “top of the bottom,” with little effort. If you are reading this, you obviously have not “arrived” at the bridge level, there are no conveniences there. Keep at it daily. Eat, drink, and be merry. There is much suffering and loss ahead, so keep digging. Be sure that if you have children, you smoke a joint with them, and give them a couple of beers. They need to know the misery of a constant buzz, and how being high is cool. Keep looking down.
See the humor in this, but know that the High cost of Low living is reason to mourn. Thanks for reading, God bless and keep you all. Keith.