I told a lie two years ago. No unintentional, accidental, white-lie. It was a bare-faced lie. The actual story is inconsequential, but the reason for the lie is worse. I see from the ripple effect that lying is a terrible evil. One lie could lead to a second to cover the first, a third to cover the second, and so on.
An individual asked me to take care of something that they could not do. I said, “sure, I’ll handle it.” I fully intended to take care of the situation, but not as a priority, so I forgot. Then I remembered, but couldn’t take care of it that moment, so I forgot again. Two months later when asked if I took care of the situation, I said…gulp, yes, and, “Thar she blows!” It was a fictional story more epic than “Moby Dick.” I then scrambled to do the task…days later. Was I sorry? At the moment, yes. Give it a little time, and as “they” say, time heals all wounds. This was a gaping hole in my personal integrity, unjustifiable.
“Do not lie to one another, since you have put off the old man with his deeds.” Col.3:9 NKJV
“Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.” The Big Book of AA (step 10)
The friend knew I was lying, but didn’t call me on it, at that moment. All I really had to say was, “no I did not, I will do it immediately.” They may not have appreciated that statement, but no lie would have been told. The task was not majorly hard, but tedious, and I put it off. The sick thing is to me is that the lie came from my procrastinating, not considering the other who asked feelings, the lie was next, then reproach on Christ, guilt followed, then reproach on my integrity. Quite a progression, rather, descent, don’t you agree? The putting off, was the first is a series of “sins”, or revelations of character defects the “old me” performed without remorse.
Procrastination is self-will run riot. It is self-centeredness at its best. I don’t want to so I won’t. And for recovering addicts and alcoholics, lying is a way of life we keep in our “denial” portfolio. We lie for no apparent reason. Lying always has a ripple effect, sending out waves of related sins in its wake. One of the issues that you have to deal with when working with new comers in recovery, is honesty. If that is grasped, recovery comes to them much smoother. The pain I experienced from the lie I told hurt terribly. Me, the go to guy, a liar.
Did I repent? You bet, and that episode is one I never want to repeat. I know I am human, I can fall so I try not to think highly of myself. My damaged integrity is good today, though scarred. I want to continue my recovery from self-serving, self-seeking, and try to live an exemplar life as I follow Christ and lead others. I also desire that my children, and theirs, be people of their word, so I must determine to lead by example.
Thanks for reading, God bless and keep you all.