Inventory Intimacy

How do you tell someone your deepest, darkest secrets? Everyone has secrets. No one has any intent of sharing life’s embarrassing moments they have experienced. “I take that to the grave,” you tell yourself. And that is what many people do, even if the secret makes the grave arrive sooner. In recovery from hurts, habits, and hang-ups, that is required to shed the old skin and move into maturity in your personal growth.

I have done some stupid things, dastardly things, embarrassing things, throughout my life. When I took my personal inventory, step 4, I really struggled. In fact, it took me a long time to do steps 4-7, because I didn’t want to share those things. I was concerned how “I” was viewed in the eyes of others. However, when the day arrived to take step 4 secrets and do step 5 with my sponsor, he put me at ease, told things about his own personal struggles and bad acts. I finished the step, and a sense of liberty gradually entered my brokenness, and I began to heal and grow.

Those character defects and secret sins I wanted to keep so bad were like my children I didn’t want to lose. “They’re mine, I won’t give them up!” seemed to be my attitude. Willingness to surrender them caused me to see that none of these were worth keeping, and willingness to surrender them was actually more liberating than the performance of the step with my sponsor.

Clearly, the step is surrendering my control. I knew I was powerless to stop drinking, I needed God to help me, and I made the decision to turn my life and will over to Him. It was bringing in the outside human element, telling it to my sponsor, that made this step seem so hard to me. That was what I needed, humility, total honesty to another person, God already knew. Looking back, it was the lack of humility, being full of pride that purchased my seat in recovery in the first place.

This step may be holding you back from where God wants to take you to. You cannot see the purpose in confessing your faults to another, as the scripture tells you to. Have vision. Think what may be with your compliance. There are so many people setting in churches every Sunday, carrying loads they do not have to carry. Find someone you trust, someone who has been where you are, and have them see that you are accountable by doing what it takes to unload, and unload your hang-ups. Your life will be the better for doing so.

Thanks for reading, God bless and keep you all.


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