Giving thought to where my mind was when I had thirty days sober is hard. I cannot remember those days but remember things from kindergarten, many years ago. I do remember there was a committee meeting going on in my head. Decisions were difficult from the endless chatter. Only people in recovery know what I mean.
It was a man in Friday nights lead meeting, a young man received his thirty day token, causing me to think about receiving mine. My early recovery wasn’t as difficult as I felt it would be. But that’s God’s grace helping me do what I could not sure for myself. Memories should be embraced no matter how arduous and painful. That last drunk, the isolation, the lack of fulfilment in life are things I must remember vividly. Otherwise no lesson was learned, history repeats with forgetfulness and ingratitude.
Someone may read this post and relate. I am guessing perhaps a reader may be in the struggle they have never experienced. Life without booze or drugs is great, but everything seems mundane and lifeless. Of course your sponsor can give all the cute adages AA is known for. They can give you great advice too. But nothing helps. What do you do?
Remember. Think about how it was, what happened, what it is like today. Furthermore, remember times before in life, when you had dreams of what you hoped you may become. Think about what hobbies that caught your interest, places you’ve always wanted to see, even local to home. Often the reason for the boredom alcoholics and addicts fall into, is forgetting. Make it your aim to shoot for something to shake the useless thoughts of yourself. For certain, if you aim for nothing you’re bound to hit it.
If I were your sponsor, I would certainly encourage you to pray and find someone to help. That is anyone, not just others in recovery from addictions. To me, nothing can improve your overall demeanor or outlook like helping someone else. All of us in twelve step work are aware how we trade struggle to thrive with confidence when serving. Yet, I know there are times when you need self time to fill your spiritual fuel tank, and see enthusiasm return to life.
Take time to remember, to look inside yourself for renewed past ideas and new possibilities. Also, don’t forget to remember the dismal way your life was going, before you came to believe you could get well.